Hmm Cocktail.

It's the combination of a comment from a tv show, and someone on a public forum realizing what she really wants to do with her life. I can't handle my full time job that sucks but is necessary and my business. This last year has really been a let down. I look at so many other people doing their handmade business full time in less time than I have had started mine. I look at other people that have their lives planned with goals, and I just struggle to make it through another work day.

I cannot have both. I said once before to someone that wasn't listening that I wanted to be a writer that owned a jewelry business, not a jewelry business owner that sometimes wrote. I am doing nothing to steer in this direction. I am stagnant, hopeless, and I have to take a step backwards in order to take two steps forward.

...

Unless, that is, I push myself far beyond my capacity to make it all work in one swoop. And how would I proceed? I would finish my studio office: put the shelves up. Put everything in its place. Make schedules. And, just do it.

Just do it.

I don't want to waste anymore time.

Alternate Universe.

I'm in the moment of the tortured artist. Drowning in music I fell in love with a long time ago. Yearning to write, to create, withdrawing myself into that special place...seeing physical love on a different level. Seeing the beauty in everything. Dreading what is inevitable.

Love.

Life.

Live.

Art.

Torture.

Music.

<3

I feel like I can go all night. Drinking coffee and smoking cigars and dreaming and living in this haze of artistic depth. Breathing in deep breaths of dreamy air. Feeling the breeze on my bare skin and not being cold. So alive. What a sensation.